Don't be filming this for one of those casual introductory shots
Please shit the meaning
So what did you guys want to talk about? What's this for?
It's a look back over the year. We're relieving the events of 2020.
Why the fuck would you want to do that?
2020
a year so momentous
They named it twice a year
who story couldn't be told until now
because it was still happening
with unprecedented access to experts
But if I keep my little assistance down here
that's why it's good
Political, you know you look ridiculous, right?
Power brokers, we we already know just a second monarchs find the chandelier
Christ scientists quit with with, let me just in just some pitch too.
Psychologist, i'm gonna smoke, I got on math, so what you care?
And average citizens.
So will this be on quibble?
This is the definitive story of the most historic year
in history through the eyes and minds of those who lived it
This
is 2020.
I mean really?
It's january burst and on the day it is born.
2020 seems like any other year.
Well
January started out
as usual, the planet was floating in space like it normally does
But as it began to revolve andrew closer,
you could see there was this immense natural disaster happening on its backside
fire, a radicalized angry form of air.
And one of mankind oldest foes is raging out of control
subjecting the australian landscape to an extreme carbon makeover
The scenes were appalling
I mean it left these areas are silly and hospitable even to australians.
While australia burns in the snowy hill that is switzerland and assortment of
the world's most powerful people and bastards arrive at the davos summit
Davos is basically coach ella for billionaires and this year
pretending to care about climate change was top of the agenda
So they had greta dunbar headline.
She is this teenage girl who
become famous even know everything she says is depressing
Kind of like billy alice.
Our house is still on fire
Your inaction is fueling the flames by the hour while the junior harbinger speaks
amongst her audience of power brokers is billionaire tech mogul, bark, multiverse
We are telling you to act as if you love your children above all else.
Thank you.
It was powerful
you know Usually when a child is shouting for help
it's best to ignore them
In case it's a trap
No less a man than jeffrey epstein told me that
But this little lady's words hit home.
I realized our whole world could collapse into chaos and disaster
And here's me
One of the richest people on the planet in a position to actually do something about it
Soon as she finished speaking
I hit the phone
got my people to buy a mountain in new zealand had it hollowed out
and Here we are in my survival bunker.
Don't people who you selfish? I don't know, it's sound proof.
Meanwhile, in america
president and experimental pigment
Tonald trump faces the four hundred and seventh
most historic crisis of his presidency at the us president
uh You may have heard of him
he's he's quite the character
Mister trump was facing an impeachment trial
which is a traditional ceremony that americans perform to work out
whether their president has gone off
Trump was in trouble
What he needed was a distraction
either something big like a goose flying in through the window
a subject small like world war three
Luckily, our military had located this iranian general solar mining
real military superstar
the beyonce of the islamic revolutionary guard
The aftermath shows an attack that was deliberate and sustained.
So then trump walks out to announce the hit
And for fun
he does it in the style of the children's port recovering from a brain trauma
He's been called a monster, and he was a monster.
and He's no longer a monster
he's dead
well of course The iranians would have preferred their chap on the whole
not to explode
This almost started world war three. It's only fucking january.
In the uk everyday citizens celebrate the countdown to bricks its side.
And the recent installation of newly elected prime ministerial scarecrow boris johnson
But others have little to celebrate.
My name is her royal highness, queen elizabeth, the first part two.
For the purposes of this recording, you may address me as your majesty.
so Can you remember where you were when you first heard the news?
Your majesty.
Yeah
Embarking in paris, posing for a bank note portrait.
It was proven tedious
So I turned to my portable telephone machine
some light relief
and there on megan's instagram.
Was there an argument?
That you conductors of sussex have announced
that they are carving out what they call a new role for themselves
In a statement released in the last few minutes
they say they intend to step back a senior members of the royal family
that must have come as quite a shock. Of course.
and I think that's reflected in the bank note portrait.
Sadly, I believe they felt there is a degree of prejudice in britain,
which is why they moved to america,
where race has never been an issue at all.
But the year is about to be dominated
by an infinitely bigger story emerging on the other side of the world
Residents in wuhan
china are succumbing to a mysterious illness
which at first baffles doctors then doubles down by killing them
Scientists in the west can only watch from afar or on television
both of which are safer
I have started viruses for 15 years and consider many of them, close friends
have to say this was the most recent.
The virus itself is an interesting specimen.
A close inspection
it resembles a revolving alien basket ball rendered on a playstation two
which is biologically unusual.
As to where it came from
There is a theory it originated in bats
although how it passed to humans isn't clear and the bats are talking
except in what are sonic tones we cannot detect.
The hypothesis is a man had intercourse with it
but and got bad juice in his pp hole which fast to cold
We have tried replicating this in the laboratory,
but with limited success, because
the bat keeps flying away.
As the outbreak worsens
chinese authorities quickly swing into cover up
Some of the doctors got the virus early on and tried to raise the alarm
but blowing the whistle wire on a ventilator
Uh that's a big ask.
Meanwhile, the virus has seeped out of china turning surrounding areas of the map
the color of disease and ruining a perfectly good atlas
A full scale medical emergency is underway
Nonetheless, in the west
the average citizen is largely
unconcerned.
Yeah. I can't say it was first about any of that was that this year,
the the pandemic yeah I can be talking to me about all this
You provide a few of human color
All right
Even I know that's racist and i'm not done awareness
course No, I mean you're an average person
We ran a computer search and you're one of the five most average people in
Thanks.
With the pandemic firmly at the back of western lines
the front of western minds is free to focus on important matters like the oscars
which traditionally celebrates caucasian filmmakers this year promises to be different
But isn't yeah those best picture nominees, real rainbow coalition?
You got marriage story to moby
White people trapped in an affluent marriage forward
v ferrari, that's white guys on wheels
Little women for a white girl standing on the cusp of carenhood
joker, whose lead actor performs in white face
thereby appropriating his own cultural identity
while denying a role to a genuine clown
oh And 1917
which was the year
the movie was said and the number of white people in it
Astronaut disaster strikes for the 10
000 white hopefuls as a south korean entry makes movie history
And the oscar goes to
parasite.
Mhm
Parasite.
So even english word, actually, it is what?
Our site is an english word.
Only when you say in english,
six of you have a combination
away from tensile town
washington dc has been consumed by real drama
trump's impeachment trial
The president stands accused of pressuring a foreign power into investigating hunter
biden son of prehistoric concierge joe biden
who has a chance of challenging trump in the november elections
but not everyone believes the charges have merit
The whole impeachment thing was baseless.
okay so The democrats claim that trump
ukraine into digging up dirt on the biden family
and they're only real evidence of that is a transcript of him doing it
so What did you say on the transcripts? My transcript?
What are you just mentioned a transcript?
Check your tape. I said, no such thing.
You said uh the only relevance was a transcript of trump
pressurizing ukraine
There's no such place as ukraine
yes there Yes, there is, I choose to believe there is not
the republican controlled senate votes along partisan lines.
Trump is declared not guilty and fabulous
but this is what the end result is
Yeah
While republicans cheer the president for holding a newspaper.
In another political universe
the democrats are deciding who will take on trump in november
The race has narrowed to a base off between civil war hero joe biden
and anarchist grandpa bernie sanders
as you may have noticed lately
the establishment is getting a little bit nervous.
well As super tuesday arrives
Despite his huge early games
mister saunders support was shriveling
whereas biden appeared to have come back from the dead.
I mean literally he resembled a battle is ghost.
We are very much alive.
This was a choice between two guys in their late 70s
It was like being stuck on the character selection screen in geriatric tech
Bernie offered radical change
whereas biden reminded folks of a more easy going error
when you could sniff a woman's hair without being called creepy
I think too many americans uh biden his uncle joe
he's been a part of their lives for centuries
as familiar as an old arm chair and nearly as sharp witted.
We're gonna do this, folks,
amiable phantom, joe biden sees e's victory
officially starting the 2020 election campaign
The stage is set
for an electoral showdown between two very different americans so.
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you Fuck you
And the animus between the two sides is greater than ever
Polarization
is the problem of our age and, not just in america,
in the actual world, too.
Whether the debate is over trump or breaks it or science or gender
god help us or the reality itself
No two factions can agree or agree to disagree or
even agree that their disagreement might be disagreeable
Not sure. I totally agree. well Then why did you fuck off?
thank you Thank you.
yeah Yeah, yeah yeah.
I would say that i'm just a regular soccer mom
you know I've got the husband
and the, kids and a cat and a dog and
just the whole darn show.
uh No, I wouldn't describe myself as a big internet person
No, I mean ii only use facebook and what's up
An instagram in twitter and you too.
oh And google
In fact, that's how I discovered the ivory first message board
Look
Things wasn't always this way.
I've studied human behavior long enough to get sick of it.
You gotta remember most folks are still neighborly
ned flanders, unforgivable nice
But right now, the edges are rougher than ever
on the right.
You got shit knows extreme
It's wondering aloud where the hitler was all bad
and inventing their own clown house reality
And on the left
You got fuck and whiny walt lords canceling the shit
out of anyone who dares to take a dump at the wrong time of the day
In both sides both sides, look so unhappy, it makes you wanna puke.
but The way it's going
you know we gonna end up on one side or the other
So pick your fucking team and hunker the fuck down
Throughout 2020, the gods of silicon valley stand accused of allowing their products
to split the world into two warring factions
uh Actually, it's more like four warring factions
We prefer to call it a hate spectrum,
that's the official term.
Right now takes about 6 months exposure to social media for the
average person to become hopelessly radicalized
And all right
we're hoping to get that down to 5 minutes
now, of course,
all this
division.
All this intractable conflict was tearing humankind asunder at the worst possible time
Because of course at the very moment that
we were preoccupied with fighting each other
The corona virus was steadily bearing down upon us.
Now those who closely
studied the history books,
such as myself,
knew that this was strongly reminiscent of the time the white walkers
led their army of the dead towards the warring factions of western ross
So you mean, like a game of throne?
That no no, I am discussing history.
I'm pretty sure that was game of throne.
but I'm pretty sure that i am a historian here
cut to a map or something.
As this map
we've got to make clear the corona virus is indeed spreading at an alarming pace
Yet even as it interest towards them
millions persist in every day activities
We saw the news
they made it clear that the virus was coming and it was gonna be bad
but a lot of us didn't want to know
and Why do you think that is?
I don't know, denial.
Disbelief.
Or because in my professional opinion, we're fucking embassies.
That's the title of my next book, by the way.
In a desperate bid for attention
the virus infects beloved hollywood
every man and occasional cgi cowboy
Tom hanks,
providing news networks with an irresistible celebrity angle
to the other wise, boring, deadly pandemic.
We think of tom hanks as a positive kind of guy
not a guy who tests positive
that he was battling the virus for two whole weeks.
uh Being a leading man
he won in the end
of course I rather doubt that he'd have accepted the road if he hadn't
It showed the virus could also pass from humans to icons,
which raised the possibility that it might one day.
In fact, god,
and god is ordered on the universe which puts him in a high risk category.
Beer, rocks, wall street with the stock market
shooting 10 billion coins out of its economic anus
I saw the bell on the bell
I saw the bell as cold reality sets in
There's a run on the supermarkets
Around the world
panic buyers, empty shelves
faster than panic stoppers can refill them
It is a full blown crisis.
Government buildings wonder how to respond.
With cases surging italy introduces a lockdown
other european governments contemplate following suit
And yet around the same time in london
prime minister and haystack boris johnson decides
that since britain is no longer part of europe
it can safely ignore the warnings he encourages those
who haven't already died to go about their business as usual
But with a greater emphasis on hygiene,
single, most useful thing that we can all do to stop the spread of the
current virus is to wash our hands
That was weird
1 minute it was doing a sore part about very important
It was to keep your hands clean
And the next it was boston about how we didn't care what he did with them
I was at a hospital the other night where
I think there were a few there were actually a few current of ours uh patients
and I sure can't everybody
so I started doing absolutely everything with me elbows instead.
and It was shortly after that, my boy friend left.
America also seems unprepared. New york is hit
hard.
At a series of daily briefings
governor andrew cuomo desperately bleeds for medical supplies
Where are the ventilators
Where are the gowns where is
The pp es
Where are the masks
Where are they
Sadly, he has failed to notice they are piled up behind him
across the usa supplies of masks
which unlike guns cannot be cheaply and easily manufactured run low
While critics describe the lack of ventilators as breathtaking
it felt like the government wasn't taking the corona virus seriously
Maybe because there was still folks out there comparing it to the flu
which is like comparing uruguay to a banana
and One of those folks
was the president.
Trump seemed to feel that the virus was one of those things that goes away if you ignore it
like a wasp
or wife, and we're prepared and we're doing a great job with it
and it will go away to stay calm
In march
The president said the pandemic would simply go away
Didn't he
okay See, this is what the media does
You lie, fabricate
fantasize the president never said that
it will go away to stay calm and
We want to protect your shipping
okay I know this doesn't fit with your agenda
but this never happened
But the pandemic does the opposite of going away as do the negative headlines
Trump needs to reassure the public
He hits the airwaves
huddled tightly with close advisers.
so I'm glad to see that you're practicing.
Social distance, think that looks very nice.
By the end of march
lockdown had been rolled out right across the planet
making them the most successful global franchise since the marvel cinematic universe
In major cities with clubs
bars, and restaurants shuttered every day
communal life comes to a screeching halt
Human beings are social animals
so shutting down social interactions goes against our instinct
I mean for most folks, not me,
I fucking hate people.
my god It was bliss.
but The lock down was absolutely transformative.
It it was as though
time itself
stood still.
Life
suddenly
suspended in amber
birds frozen in place in mid air.
The planet, quite literally,
the vaulting.
It was so quiet.
You could actually hear yourself. Think
I expect
work places and everyday businesses are forced to close
particularly hard hit
Workers in the gig economy
millennial, who often work more than one job at a time
I can put my legs up and stuff. That's okay. If I my feet up.
That's not my feet too false.
Yeah, my name's duke gulis
I'm a content provider and a barman slash mex ologist
yeah yeah Yeah, it's definitely been challenging. Uh
Listen, I don't wanna be mister man's plan
but I kind of saw this coming because
I was following colonel virus back before
you know pre wuhan days when it was still inside of bats.
well I work a lot of jobs in the lockdown
I've had to reposition them to work on zoom, you know
like idj gender neutral, gender reveal parties.
Really important.
um I work as a life coach. Um
Amy.
You can.
okay Amy believing yourself okay you can shut up.
The other area of growth for me has been providing online containment.
The theaters are shut
so you can't see your james bonds or your tools
too
And you know the only film that did come out was about time being an endless loop
which we all know now, anyways
so So my youtube channel has gone total fuck busters,
especially with the reaction videos where I react to 20
20
Guys literally looks like armor getting
and we're living through it
Awesome, oh my gosh maybe like the bad version of awesome
shit, fine, fuck off
delicious
I don't know
oh My god
Don't forget to like and subscribe.
They do crazy numbers
I mean yes there's so much material all year
Look at this man
He looks like a heap of balls never ending.
That's a big glass wow wow oh oh.
well I learned there's a lot of money in creating streaming content.
How much did you make this year?
I wanna say
$16 million.
Meanwhile, in britain
in a bit to raise the country spirits
the queen prepares to deliver a unifying speech
The monarch only addresses the nation on special occasions such as christmas or the end of the world
So this was a huge
good evening people of earth.
I speak to you at a time of grave national crisis
her majesty father successfully, I thought
if hoped to the spirit of the blitz
when nazi bombs reigned down nightly obliterating
streets and homes and families on the ground
the kind of patriotic imagery that we find so comforting
Defeating this in and requires us to bravely car and noise in addition to television
This was the first time one of one speeches was carried live on youtube.
that Did that affect the content at all?
Of course, not.
We will meet again.
Now smash that light button and don't forget to subscribe.
Also click here to check out my official read on march.
But moments after her majesty delivers the stirring words, the mood.
Tonight attend the prime minister boris johnson has been taken to intensive care as he suffers the effects of corona virus
With the brakes at pm and critical condition
52% of the nation holds its breath
there was a real fear
That at a time of national crisis
the prime minister might have to be replaced by someone less qualified than him
which would be impossible.
Unless I they would join up plans to replace him with a sock or a believer or something
Just as it seems
the prime minister might exit the realm of the living a process known as princess
hospital staff nurse him back to health.
And weeks later
he's back on the job
Incredibly
The virus didn't seem to have affected his abilities in any way
He still didn't have any news of johnson's illness proves that world leaders aren't naturally immune
Yet some seem unwilling to take precautions
trump refused to wear a mask for a long time
We have, someone told them white hoods protected against the virus
Maybe it felt differently ached on by the president
Some citizens also refuse to the line
Yeah
I thought I heard a voice, I thought I heard from america.
In several states
protesters take to the streets demanding their constitutional right to spread the deadly virus
The online rumor mill is working overtime.
When this whole thing started
um there were so many wild rumors flying around
so I would watch doctor foul chi to get an anchor on what was actually happening
you know and um even though it was so scary
I found it really
reassuring um to watch someone who is so accomplished,
calmly laying out the science
um But that was before I knew he was an actor
Yeah
And
how did you come to learn that
well someone from my pta what's up group uh shared a link to a documentary
which um proves that george soros created the virus in a chinese lab
And
so that bill gates could make a vaccine out of microchips and control us all like on a video game
And I know I know that sounds crazy, but the thing is,
we've seen him do this before
right
Like when he crossed a human with a paper clip and made that poor tormented monster that haunted windows 98
of course it wasn't surprising that some folk were confused about the biology of this whole thing
Given the president seemed to be saying it could be cured with a kind of sunlight and bleach wonder
and then I see the disinfectant
where it knocks it out
in a minute.
1 minute
and is there a way we can do something like that.
The remarks confuse the president's own medical advisers who visibly try to clamber deep within their own souls to die
I guess if you could collapse the past three and a half years of madness into one clip
that would be it.
As may draws to a close for the first time in months
the corona virus pandemic is knocked from the headlines of every news network by a different story altogether
one that also makes for grim viewing
This morning, the fbi is looking into the death of a black man after he was stopped by police in minneapolis
The incident was caught on camera
George floyd died in police custody after an officer pressed his knee into floyd neck for at least 7 minutes
Some people including the minneapolis mayor all right
already saying the police used excessive force today the mayor called it wrong at every level
What we saw was horrible that is
those officers didn't see george floyd as a human being.
But the world
did.
Tonight, the outrage in minneapolis is mounting even after four officers were fired
Was it enough for you that the officers were fired
that is not enough That is not enough
The police have interesting priorities.
When george floyd
one black guy allegedly to pass one fake $20 bill in a liquor store
he had four cops on his ass within minutes
and They killed him
know how long it took the same police department to arrest the prime suspects in that case
4 days.
And they had that shit on tape
Did they think that was counterfeit to the george floyd
Tragedy is merely the latest in a long series of police killings of black people and it comes as a final straw
In increasing numbers
protesters take to the streets to give voice to their anger
People said it's dangerous to gathering crowds like that
What about the pandemic
But you know in some ways, I prefer the corona virus to the police
and don't get me wrong
I fucking hate the virus
but at least it doesn't pretend it's here to help
It doesn't drive around the neighborhood would protect the serve
painted on its side before it kills you
What happened with george floyd? Disgusted? Everybody.
but It didn't surprise black people.
We've always known what cops are capable of.
But today bystanders got a camera on the phone.
So now everybody gets to see and honestly,
that ought to be the number one sales feature for the iphone
fuck your mega pixel display
How about put exposes police brutality on the box
over the following days?
As tensions escalate and police and protesters face off,
some of the demonstrations turned violent.
The president skillfully placates the situation with some soothing
incendiary comments
And in washington
he orders peaceful demonstrators to be gently dispersed
with some courteous state violence.
oh no No.
Trump got riot police with tear gas and rubber bullets to clear the protesters
So he could pose for a photo
in front of saint john's church.
because you know When you live in a city
you never get to appreciate it and do the touristy things
Trump's gracious christ like diplomacy fails,
and violence continues to flare up.
There was
so much anger expressed and emotions were running super high
So of course there was going to be trouble
But
the sensible thing to do would have been to wait at home um until everyone had just
calm down and the whole thing had blown over
And then you go out and protest and a um
calm and orderly manner.
um I would have been the first to support that unless it was on a tuesday because that's my peloton class
But instead,
what was happening just looked like
All out anarchy to me um and
believe me, I i uh.
I know criminal behavior when I see it
whether it's someone breaking a window or aa black man sitting in a car
uh Wasn't there a video of you haranguing a black man sitting in a car that went viral this year
and I'm telling you this is my call
I'm sure you'll prove that with some id
Yeah, first of all, I
I wasn't hurrying. I was politely inquiring for less than an hour.
so That was the only time you did something like that this year.
um There was an incident at a pool.
Get a receipt for this towel. I just need to see a receipt.
uh There was an incident up in the hills.
I'm painting a water cook in
The way that you're wielding that paintbrush is very unsettling to me
and At the hospital
sweetie, are you absolutely sure that this is your dialysis machine
The crazy ladies back again
I was just asking about that
I don't know why
people as
so quick to judge.
That's mike.
He's been here all day.
By now, the protests have gone international with a rallying cry reverberating across the globe
Um
Hello, hello. Hello.
Black lives matter.
Well
No reasonable person could disagree with that, but
I would prefer to say
all
lives matter.
Yeah, ii think the
is they're currently treated like they don't matter all lives
I don't think so.
Their black lives.
Oh
Those.
I'm sorry, what about
well they matter more than all lives?
Now who's being a racist
I didn't call you a racist there
you are You are just about to label me
a bigot.
Just like my daughter
and her friends
and my son,
and his friends and my wife
and her friends.
and My friends.
You can't say anything you said.
Next, the spotlight falls upon the relics of an intolerant past.
In bristol, england
protesters surround slave trader and statue edward colston and dragged him from the safety of his plate
look These people are trying to destroy history.
But if by tearing these statues down, they're actually making history
shut up and move on.
They threw him in the sea, which is cruel.
They might have killed him.
Can statues breathe under water?
No, they don't breathe at all.
okay So he probably swam to safety.
Your corporations going walk to asking themselves
how can they support black people without actually paying them
Demonstrating that sensitivity by re branding
cool, crunchy crunches as rose and
parks, puffs mhm
and so on.
I'm proud to say, as a corporation, we stepped up in several bold ways.
We rolled out an update that replaced our virtual assistance with the personality of malcolm x
malcolm, could you play the best as easy tap
I will neither follow your orders
no recognize your authority
but perhaps our biggest gesture was the whole boris johnson thing
We've had great ties with the uk government since we delivered the breakfast vote for them
and they'd reached out looking for a gesture to show britain had shrugged off its colonial past
which was a little slave trading
so We had them trial
our body swap
tack
This is the first time the soul of a british prime minister has been transferred into the body of a black man
and It worked.
Today I stand before you as a proud black man,
a trusting living symbol of vibrant modern britain.
I will now take questions uh yes the lady with her hand up.
You're not from round here, are you you've got a receipt?
When I said work, I mean temporarily you know
we had to revert johnson back into his natural form
So we could continue ruling from a position of safe
familiar, white and competence
Some white individuals begin to ask whether they're doing enough personally
well I consider myself an ally,
mhm you know but I looked within, I felt I could make some changes.
so I started small posting the black squares on insta.
I swapped to only using black emerges for texts.
I sent a lot of friend requests, black people.
and I even learned how to pronounce their names, even if it was difficult.
Are there for luck?
um And then I thought, listen, look,
I know I care.
Mhm but do enough other people.
Now that I care.
And I realized I showed up my game, so I posted a video about it.
mhm So I guess in a way,
i'm black, too, maybe
maybe more than anyone.
And that got some likes
So we did a follow up where I drove around a black neighborhood to let them hear my support in person
Guys, I just want to say
right now, i'm with you
I hear you
I see you
I am you
and you know This wasn't just some quick little gesture
We kept it up until 2:00 I am
That's how committed we were
Friends of color, I stand by you.
I feel your pay oh oh oh oh oh.
It's just no pleasing some people.
All the wild the pandemic is raging out of control
and there is disagreement on how to respond
Some believe the only way out is to achieve herd immunity
had immunity of course when almost everybody has been exposed to something
but got to know where it
So it quickly dies out.
Just like what happened with the floss?
Sorry, the the wall. you Know
Others want to wait for a miracle cure
but any potential vaccine faces of lengthy, uphill climb
a challenging maneuver for any liquid.
well Vaccines go through a lengthy approval process.
They start with the preliminary trials using a limited number of volunteers in which we are monitoring the level of proteins known as antibodies generated
It's called a blind trial
because around half the volunteers are given a placebo
which means, sorry sorry
why are you showing footage of
whatever that is?
I'm still speaking.
Is that relevant?
Yes, sorry
We're just trying to keep it visually interesting
Ignore us just carry on
No, okay.
well Okay
Uh so.
Once the initial trial is complete
the second trial begins
This is less to do with the viscosity
because during this second trial
there's a tricky balance you are trying to maintain between monitoring the psychological response and how that was
What's going on this?
That's got nothing to do with this is.
I'm talking here.
just Just ignore it. okay it It's just texture.
Are you guys interested in science. Um
To be honest.
No.
Oh
With no cure for covert in sight life for millions has been reduced to a creepy, new normal
and a seemingly endless series of lockdown.
I live on my own.
And after a while
I got so lonely
I developed a multiple personality disorder on purpose
so I can keep myself company
but Then of course
I also have to try and keep 2 meters away from myself all times
Don't if you've ever tried doing that, but it's a bloody nightmare.
so I started doing video calls to keep sociable.
Hi, uh you're right.
I did so many are sometimes glitch in real life now.
like I just freeze now in that light.
Can you hear me your friend?
Like defecating and sobbing?
Video calls become part of everyday life
which means for some business is booming early on
We ran some numbers and realized that around 20% of our customer base might die of the virus
but the surviving 80% would increase their reliance on our video conferencing products
200 fold so.
That was a huge win for us.
A huge.
But sad when
in desperation millions turn to award winning streaming service net flicks for entertainment
One spent a lot of time at windsor watching net flicks.
Do you like me
Do you find you spend most of your time actually just browsing the homepage
Yeah
No, my foot wonders it for me.
I watch so much dumb shit
You see
Floor as, lava
fire, and brimstone the game show, joe
No
Yeah
Hello sir. Ah
you know They filmed that last year
because in 20
20, people wouldn't even be bothered to try to escape the lava
They'd be lying up to willingly throw themselves in pausing only to kick the kids in first
Maybe that's season two.
My favorite program
has to be the crown.
It's refreshing.
You see a downward drama about everyday people living ordinary lives.
It's the sort of thing that gives the little people hope.
Some say the crown is unrealistic,
but it strikes me as a far more faithful depiction of the monarchy than their other legal drama
Tiger king, you can get in god damn
i'm gonna put a chap and you ask the first time to make you squirm around on the ground and then i'm gonna put a bullet wrap between your fucking eyes
That man is from the royal line. I recognize
how many men have an electric student? How do you and who?
Harry and bacon who are, you in who
back in the real world with america facing crises on every front,
criticism of the president is mounting.
Also, there were questions about his fitness to govern in part because of the way he had to drink a glass of water using both hands
but mainly because of everything else he did
To boost support, trump announces a series of rallies,
tremendous uh run and rally
I don't think there's been an empty seat
but despite a surgeon ticket requests and event in oklahoma is mainly attended by people who aren't there
As the media makes clear
heartless users of the social media platform ticked up are to blame
Tick talker said they intentionally sabotage the event
by registering on mass with no intention of showing up and they spread the word via tick talk
Republicans claim social media is actively trying to suppress an unreasonable, conservative agenda
I'll just cut to the chase big text out to get conservatives
That's not a suspicion
That's not a hunch
That's a fact
look The fact which doesn't care about your feelings is that online and in the media
conservative voices are being silenced
I've said this before
I said it on my youtube channel
conservative voices are being silenced
I said it on joe rogan
Conservative voices are being silenced on the jordan
Peterson kayak pod cast
Conservative voices are being silenced
I said it on tucker carlson and tucker
We know conservative voices are being silenced
twice
Actually, like I said last time
tucker conservative voices are being silenced that is
Exactly right
and I said it in my new york times bestseller
conservative voices are being silenced
It's a point I have to make over and over
because conservative voices are being silenced
In fact, you wouldn't even use this footage.
Actually, we will.
But we both know that's not going to happen. yeah My name is james.
Whatever bob.
On the opposite side of the political divide
the husk of joe biden is encountering setbacks
He is the oldest presidential candidate since records began 200 years after he was born
And questions are asked about his longevity.
Biden is clearly diminished all matter when i'm created
but go you know this you know this
He seemed kind of frail
never mind the virus
There were times that looked like a stiff breeze might be too much for
So he stayed in his basement
running a virtual campaign
What's like a real campaign that never really happened
So
so welcome everybody to our first virtual happy hour
He might as well have been a witness protection
but There came a time he had to venture out.
His team were clearly extremely cautious
Whenever he met the public
they made him sit some distance away
so he couldn't face further allegations of inappropriate touching
and They prevented verbal gaps by keeping him physically gagged at all times
Biden also hosts covert safe drive in rallies
attended by hand fools of enthusiastic cars
in which he channels the vibrant energy of an old man yelling at traffic.
and We should have no tolerance
for extremist white supremacist groups marching out our communities.
But his campaign gets a shot in the arm as he picks his running mate.
And let me introduce to you
for the first time,
your next vice president, the united states harris comma,
where is your at 55
Harris is less than 1/4 of biden age
She is the first african american and south asian american vice presidential candidate
And therefore, alongside donald trump is the second person of color on the twenty 20 ballot
We're all in this fight.
You me
together.
well Previously, biden harris hadn't got all.
She'd clashed with biden of the primaries. Do you agree today
that you were wrong to oppose bussing in america
And last year said that she believed the women who accused him of impropriety
Now, all that was forgiven,
although their relationship did appear a little standoffish.
and Of course, if they want,
she'd be president in the event of biden death,
assuming anyone noticed
biden campaign is re energized
but the american story is about to take an unexpected turn
as the world looks on.
Having another lockdown was really annoying because
i'd watch literally all of net flicks during the first long time.
But then I got into this show called america which was amazing.
Have you seen it?
It's on the news channel.
It's totally mental.
Just one twist after another.
That this sort of election fight happening between a block look like a ticket inspector on a ghost train and an inflatable orange many
I couldn't seem to be dealing with the plague
We have so much testing.
I don't think you need that kind of testing of that much testing
but some people disagree with me
some people agree with me
Everybody ate it, everybody else on the whole country was on fire.
Not just the forest, but the towns and cities.
In fact, the only thing that wasn't on fire was the fucking say and that was probably thinking about it
And then as if all that wasn't enough, the drop didn't expected twist
involving a beloved character.
This is a fox news alert. Us supreme court justice ruth bader ginsburg
has died at the age of 87
Justice ruth vader ginsburg was a feminist icon and trail blazer
who fought for abortion rights
gender equality, and a 600 mile gas pipeline through indigenous land
Rb g's dying wish was that she wouldn't be replaced on the supreme court until the next president was sworn in
But that dying wish died with her.
Breaking tonight, fox news has confirmed president trump will nominate amy coney barrett
as the next supreme court justice.
As fox news made
bombastically clear, trump selected amy coney barrett about catholic who claims a legal career is a means to an end of serving god
God was unavailable for comment.
Amy coney barrett stands for everything. Rbg was against everything.
She's so pro life
I got a theory
She secretly bankrolled by the wire hanger industry
September 26th, and the white house throws a ceremony in the rose garden
I never promised you
Announcing coney barrett nomination
it is a role call of the great and good and soon to be infected
um that most of the presidents in a circle was there
although the most significant attendees was the novel cohen of virus silently mingling among the guests
particularly the ones who didn't believe in it yet
But in the following days
the president has been set by other distractions
The new york times uncovers his tax returns
revealing that like all top businessmen
he has made no money in years
september 29th, and the first presidential debate makes for illuminating television
I'm chris wallace of fox news
and I welcome you to the first of the 2020 presidential debates
Trump comes out just like regular trump grouchy
like something was eating them up on the inside
which of course we now know it was just trying to look alive
and Then the debate started and straightaway
It was like a rat battle in a senior home
but worse, the question is the question is the rest of the left
Would you sure
Listen
I say it was a train wreck in a shit show
but that would be unfair
the trains and shit
But it's incredible
really 73 million americans witnessing a debate as intellectually stimulating as watching two pigeons fight over a piece of bread in a car lot
A key moment comes when trump is asked to condemn white supremacists and fumbles the response
What do you want to call him
Give me a name
Give me a why do you like my brother
stand back and stand by he told those guys to stand by?
That's not disavowing.
That's pumping a fucking shotgun.
Following the debate
the only positive news for trump is his corona virus test result
which prompts negative blanket coverage.
It starts with breaking news.
Breaking news, president trump has tested positive for corona virus.
It is extraordinary on many different levels. No one saw that coming.
oh Let me rephrase that.
Everyone saw that coming.
We just didn't believe that. It actually happened.
well Then of course the people surrounding him all start falling
ill, even millennia who had been socially distancing from him for the past 4 years
The president didn't exactly take precautions
Did he sorry
Are you saying this was his fault
well he got He were a mosque, didn't wear a mask.
Are you saying because of the way he was dressed? He was asking for it,
because that my friend is victim blaming and you should hang your head in shame
As an overweight 74 year old male trump is at low risk of appearing on the cover of sports illustrated swimsuit issue
but at high risk from corona virus
as his condition worsens
he's transported to walter reed hospital and the world holds its breath
It was actually a moment of national unity,
whatever their political alliance, everyone in america was praying that day
for different outcomes.
so The presidents in a military hospital get injected with an experimental antibody treatment
By, no, i'm thinking
this story lines far fetched
but i'm well into this
I'm bending the shit out of it
well Wishers outside the hospital show their support and are rewarded when the president commandeers a secret service vehicle
to perform the most dangerous drive by since the final moments of tuberculosis
Then there was this mental battery flew back to the white house and stood on the balcony and took his mask off
so We know it was actually in and not a beautiful woman in disguise.
Then he proved both his thumbs still worked.
Thank god.
and He saluted a helicopter which couldn't see him because it was flying away
The production values were through the roof
They look like the finals shot in the season finale of america
So
I was quite surprised when the country kept going after that.
It was quite remarkable
really, one of the most iconic moments in history that any of us will live through, but also
deeply, profoundly stupid.
The history books covering this period will have to be written in crayon,
by a dog.
I stood out front, I led
nobody that's a leader would not do what I did.
and I know there's a risk
there's a danger
but that's okay
And now i'm better
And maybe i'm immune
I don't know
Despite his ordeal
trump seems to have gained little sympathy from the us public and is triggering in the polls right about now
It looked like trump needed some kind of october surprise to wipe the smile off bite and skull
In a bombshell report
Hunter biden is accused of introducing his father to a ukrainian businessman
You said you cried didn't exist
that's not relevant
What is relevant
is the total silence from the mainstream media
No one was asking about hundred and anywhere
like I said on joe rogan
what about hunter biden and on tucker carson
What about hunter biden more than
Once
What about hunter biden
Let's hope that evidence arrives in the mail
That is exactly right
And I said it in my new york times bestseller
what about hunter biden
so What about so you don't even want to ask about it.
As the crucial day nears
other factors make 2020s election is unpredictable as an ape with a hockey stick
The pandemic forces states to introduce widespread postal voting dragging
the us electoral system into the 19th century
Trump supporters were gonna vote in person on election day because they weren't afraid of the virus
Or fascism
covet cautious democrats were more likely to vote by post from the comfort of their liberalist homes
wearing a mask and swapping the pencil down with bleach
When they'd finished
advance in person
Voting also explodes line
stretch for miles as americans wait for a go on their democracy
It was so inspiring to see so many americans voting
um Yeah, and there was a pretty big uh
black boat, too
which I think it's so great
And I mean I obviously I have no problem with that as long as everyone has property with the current street address and keep their hands in the air
Ha ha, ha ha.
thank you Thank you.
Good morning, america
Election day 2020
the big day arrives
And as the media frantically promotes the last election in human history
early fears of violent clashes at polling stations melt away in the face of familiar
tedious scenes of long lines and
people work
from msnbc
decision 2020.
That was when the whole program suddenly turned into a really complicated game show format
Sort of based on an election
basically, they have this map of america around the edges and read in the middle
And to win the election
the players after flip the states of a 1 by 1 to see if there are different color on the other side
Election, I didn't begin until we flip a red state blue or a blue state red
and they're all with different amounts like
florida is worth 29 points
even though it's got fewer letters in its name than tennessee
It was so confusing
They kept explain the rules over and over
If he does not pull off a hail
mary pass and win wisconsin
win michigan, or flip any of those hillary clinton states
then he's got to go five for five in these states
The whole broadcast was literally days long.
and They never seem to get to the form bit work intestines for them.
It's the most boring game show ever.
No wonder the only broadcast it once every 4 years.
As election night ends without an official victor
all eyes turned to the crucial state of pennsylvania where trump has been on a winning streak
Until officials stubbornly insist on counting biden votes to trump calls foul
On live television
he attempts to beat nixon's world record for presidential bullshit
We were getting ready to win this election
Frankly, we did win this election
The president demands an end to democracy and, so do some of his followers.
There appeared to be swedes of trump supporters protesting
but we don't know how many because they refuse to let anyone count them
Mother.
With the counting lasting days
the networks are reluctant to make an official call
National fingernail supplies are chewed dangerously low
The selection was a done deal on night one
but it didn't feel like it because of the way that count was happening
Pennsylvania and georgia were counting mail in dallas last
even though those had been the first to arrive
so the narrative that biting was slowly entering to the finish line was really just a story being told backwards
You watch jaws back
but it's the story of a shark
that's It's panic and white people into the sea
Different movie.
Finally, as trumps hunched back lab
assistant rudy giuliani addresses the media from the prestigious car lot of four seasons total landscaping
A call is made.
What was it called by?
all the oh my goodness All the networks?
Wow
All the networks mhm
to to to
cnn projects, joseph r biden junior is elected the 46 president of the united states
I'll never forget where I was when I heard biden had won.
Staring at the news on a saturday afternoon, or or, maybe a sunday night.
I don't know the whole weeks of blur, but oh god.
The sheer sense of relief was like finally taking a dump after a long flight
and I mean that.
In every sense because
I actually had tears in my eyes.
In major cities
live tarts and snowflakes mints into the streets to celebrate biden victory
with an outpouring of hope, joy and corona viral droplets.
well The last time I witnessed a celebration on that scale was in 1983 on the forest moon of indoor when the empire was defeated
Yeah, that's return of the jet eye. It's a it's, a movie,
a star wars. you know Well
Excuse me, but I was there.
I was there.
And those dear little bear people and we had a lovely time.
As night falls
president elect and king java joe biden delivers a victory speech
After 4 years of trump's inflammatory half sentences
progressives draw comfort from biden dull
but coherent message of hope
I pledged to be a president
who seeks not to divide,
but unify.
Violence message was that americans have more that unites us than divides us
even though we were still counting millions of pieces of paper that proved we're completely different
and We couldn't even agree on the outcome of that.
But traditionally by now
the loser would congratulate the victor
but mister trump doesn't know the meaning of the word conceived
And he was furious when they told him
The president is not alone and be merging and be hitting the result just been reelected to the senate
Leading republicans insist the election that put them there was rigged
There's a lot of shenanigans going on here
If our president trump
I would take all this to court
i'd fight back, stop the steel stop the steel, stop the steel.
oh my god well There are so many discrepancies
I mean listen according to the records
There were dead people who voted for biden which is impossible because ghosts cannot hold pencils
They said that they were more male ballots than ever
What about female ballads
The voting machines in michigan were wireless literally controlled by hunter biden flat top
Georgia is not even a real state
There is no
no record of it existing before november
Jet fuel does not burn that hot
That was a controlled demolition
Trump that winning is a statistical impossibility like snow in winter or a deck that can't talk the total lack of evidence proves there's been a cover and
the whole election never even happened
Cnn made
It look like it did using deep state cdi
it's all a lie.
And um.
If that's what democracy looks like
then count me out
Actually don't count me at all
because that would be
democracy again.
and I want
no part of it.
This election is not over far from it in a blizzard of headlines
Trump launches multiple court challenges under the guidance of the legal world's village idiot
rudy giuliani, whose efforts prove so hapless
His hair starts crying and the male in our process in order to cheat
but the efforts come to nothing
The one good thing about trump refusing to conceive was that we got to watch him lose over and over
All those doomed legal efforts
it was like watching a man fall from a skyscraper trying to sue the sidewalk out of existence before he hit the ground
The media will deny this
but trump did not lose the election
If you got any proof of that
he won the popular vote by a margin of literally millions
What more evidence do you need
He won fair and square
right Right
So you're claiming trump won the popular
No Biden
Did president elect Biden the Victor
Right? Don't you support trump? I have never supported trump.
Check your tape up.
Is James, and you were part of Trump's campaign who's trump.
Trump himself may have been voted out
but the movement behind him persists
America remains trapped in a loveless marriage
with itself.
It is astounding that despite everything he did over the past 4 years
over 70 million americans were absolutely rooting for trump
we will never give in We will never give up and we will never back down
We will never ever surrender
um It's either terrifying
or the most inspiring love story of our age.
People think of democracy is permanent and unchanging.
In truth, it's something you must perpetually nurture like a woman or a professional grudge
American democracy has survived this Challenge.
But what will happen in a few years time when the next trump comes along
perhaps a younger
more cunning more ruthless trump
with faster reflexes and a titanium exoskeleton,
venom Sachs on his neck
maybe some kind of fearsome on x claw
What happens then
The thing is once trump finally leaves a miracle
be back to being totally non racist overnight
And we can just chill about the whole institutional
you know
whatever deal.
um I should be sad to see mister trump go.
Because he brought such quiet dignity to his own.
But that said,
I do look forward to welcoming mister Biden the Buckingham Palace at the earliest opportunity
Indeed, we have met before
at my coronation in 1953
which he attended as an old man
as America, begins a new chapter and 20
20 shutters to a close
The global pandemic is sadly still in full swing
yet, even as it tightens its grip
once more glimmers of hope
appear at last.
Good news at last on coded 19, a vaccine could be available by Christmas.
This was a historic
scientific achievement on a PAR with the moon landings
but more difficult because the corona virus is far smaller than the moon.
The vaccine breakthroughs are good news
but there is still a lot of work to do
Once approval has been met and manufacture scaled up
it must be distributed
At sub zero temperatures and the slightest transport setback could generate a huge amount of waste
What is wrong with you people?
Even with a miracle cure,
there's no guarantee everyone will embrace the vaccine.
I'm no five g vaccine for me
Thank you very much
It's made in the laboratory and um you shouldn't trust anything that's not natural
I read about it on Facebook.
well Facebook isn't exactly naturalize when they don't inject Facebook into my veins
Yeah
But you are happy to absorb it into your mind.
Get out of my house
despite naysayers and refuse nicks
vaccines offer a chance of a more normal life in 2021
And beyond
exciting to think we could have a live spot soon,
you know we could go to the PUB,
maybe meet someone.
I have a bit of a dance,
bit for somebody
move in together
Jeff de park.
Learn to hate the weather, pick the teeth.
Same to the voice.
Wish she'd never met,
might seriously ruin the day.
Is the vaccine compulsory?
2020 challenged humanity on a scale like no other.
A year of troubled upheaval, outrage, insult, disaster, lava, and division.
It tested us,
but maybe it taught us too.
What did you learn in 20, 20?
What do I learn?
Um
uh How many steps there are between my couch and refrigerator?
I learned the Complete dynamic sequence of the novel corona virus,
and how to do the floss.
I've learned a lot about myself.
But sometimes,
I'm too much of a giving person and um oh i've also learned how to uh correctly pronounce
well I would say uh personally
uh20, 20 was rather fun
Looking back
Ii got in touch with smooth university champs and we have started
a zoom barber shop quartet.
Would you like to hear my camp town races? um Ii know.
That was so good. Thank you so much.
Thank you
Great
Awesome
Are we done
Is that it it was brilliant
Thank you
Listen
uh It looks like we might be doing one of these again next year for the end of 20 21
Mhm
aha Right
yep Is there any chance you could read some advanced responses now
So we can kind of cut them into the elevator
They're on the piece of paper
Uh
yes Yes, happy to happy to oblige.
okay yeah Just this last page.
But no one could have foreseen what the vaccine would do to us,
or how we use our new powers.
But no one could have foreseen what the vaccine would do to us or how we use our new powers
And that of course is when president Harris unveiled her real agenda.
and That was when president Harris unveiled her real agenda.
and That was when president Harris unveiled a real agenda.
of course In the end
the trump news network came off air
After just 1 month
of course In the end
the trump news network came off air after just a month
I got to say he was the last world leader
You'd expect to see pushing a hard boiled egg up his own ass
On Italian television
yeah gotta say he was the last world leader
You'd expect to see pushing a hard boiled egg up his own ass on Italian television
Gotta say he was the last world leader
You'd expect to see pushing the hardpole of the egg up his own ass on the table
But then at the last moment, we all woke up.
and It had all been a horrible dream
but then at the last moment we all woke up
and it had all been a horrible dream
Then at the last moment we all woke up
and it was all the horrible dream
oh I wish that is not enough for that do
Terrific.
Great, thank you.
Gay.
well Guys, that's been great um.
Anyway, I have a train and prior to train
I am going to find myself a semi loose
and are welcoming in the groovy.
um Is that enough? okay Okay, this was fine uh. I had fun.
all right we We done here. um I'm not here. You. Uh
You wanna have sex?
Um
well There's quite a strict social distance in policy on this suit, certainly
uh Uh